Tour Tips from Charming Disaster: Add a Touch of Class

**Guest post written by Charming Disaster, a goth-folk duo based in Brooklyn, NY.

"Over the past few years of touring the U.S., we’ve learned a thing or two about maintaining the fabulous lifestyle to which we’re accustomed even while we’re on the road, and we wanted to share some of our time-tested tips with other indie artists.

When you’re traveling from town to town in your car, hearse, or parents’ minivan, it’s easy to fall prey to bad habits and existential despair. Adding a touch of class to your tour routine is a great way to stay healthy, boost morale, and maintain your delusions of grandeur.

EATING WELL

Don’t you wish there were healthier alternatives to the greasy spoons and fast food joints you find along the nation’s highways? A trip to the grocery store makes it possible to create your own gourmet meals¹ --in the car! You’ll need to pack a cooler², a cutting surface³, and a sharp knife⁴. The rest is up to you.

• For maximum caloric density, try to get the bread with the highest number of grains. We’re not saying it’s a contest, but we have found as many as 24 grains⁵.
• Purchase avocados at various stages of ripeness so that one will always be ready to eat⁶.
  
• You can keep your sandwich arugula fresh⁷ in the cooler by washing and storing in Ziploc bags with paper towels.
  
• Radishes⁸ add a sophisticated bitter crunch to virtually any sandwich.
  
• A dab of almond butter elevates an ordinary cookie to an hors d’oeuvre–level snack.
• Always include something fancy to remind yourself that you’re worth it (we especially enjoy fig paste, artisanal hot sauce, or olive tapenade⁹).
• It’s best to wait until after you’ve made the sandwiches to apply your lavender hand lotion (see “Aromatherapy,” below).

¹Sandwiches.
²Avoid Styrofoam coolers--the unbearable squeaking will drive you mad.
³Good: a cutting board precariously balanced on your lap. Better: a padded lap desk. Bad: a vinyl record.
⁴Can also be used for whittling (not recommended).
⁵To be fair, some of them were technically seeds.
⁶In the end they will all ripen at the same time anyway. Good luck!
⁷For a little while, anyway.
⁸Be ready to catch them when you take a hard left and they roll under the seats.
⁹Yes, everything in the cooler will smell like tapenade.

+THIS IS YOUR MOTHER SPEAKING! - Part 2

HORTICULTURE

Your car is basically a greenhouse on wheels, so why not exercise your green thumb to improve your quality of life on tour? Start simple, and work your way up to a full-fledged car garden.

• The cup holder is the perfect place for a bouquet of fresh flowers¹⁰.
• A potted plant provides the fun challenge of keeping something else alive while on the road. Succulents are especially easy to care for (if you’re in a metal band, a cactus might be more appropriate).
• Edible plants are not just beautiful, but delicious – try fresh herbs or nasturtiums to garnish your salads.
• Grow your own plant from scratch: an avocado pit secured in a paper cup with diner toothpicks is ready to transform into a beautiful avocado plant.¹¹
• Assuming you don’t already have something growing in your glove compartment/trunk/under the seats, a gourmet mushroom log is a great way to add some bonus nutrition to your meals.

¹⁰From roadside wildflowers, to stolen graveside offerings, to curtain call bouquets.
¹¹Avocado pits take 6-8 weeks to sprout. Best for long tours.

AROMATHERAPY

Your sense of smell is the key to unlocking your emotions. Unfortunately, the fragrances found in most tour vehicles don’t unlock the emotions you want to feel. Luckily, you have the power to change this:

• Portable aroma diffuser: add a few drops of your favorite essential oil to a spray bottle of water and mist the inside of the car (or your bandmates) as needed.
• Make a pomander: this medieval tradition¹² involves sticking whole cloves in an orange (also a fun activity for the car). Try hanging one from the rearview mirror instead of that pine tree air freshener.
• Burn incense, sage, or palo santo in a cleansing ritual.¹³
• Compulsively apply lavender hand lotion.¹⁴

¹²Once but no longer believed to guard against infection (but hey, couldn’t hurt).
¹³Not recommended while car is moving.
¹⁴Remember: after sandwiches.

+100 Days on the Road: 10 Things I've Learned

BEAUTY TIPS

• If your nightly stage makeup routine is drying out your skin, individually packaged sheet masks¹⁵ from the drugstore are a great way to restore a dewy glow (and also disguise your identity) as you drive to the next gig. Try not to get pulled over.
• Coconut oil is an excellent natural makeup remover (especially good for that stubborn black lipstick).
• A little gin in a spray bottle makes a perfectly acceptable deodorant, no matter what anyone else says.

¹⁵If you run out of sheet masks, you can apply some of that ripe avocado.

+Tips for Maintaining your Mental and Emotional Health During a Tour

INTERIOR DECORATION

Finally, thoughtful decor is a great way to boost morale. Touring in the fall? Look for miniature pumpkins¹⁶ and decorative dried corn. Did someone gift you a creepy doll or magical crystal? Create a dashboard diorama or hang it from the rearview mirror¹⁷. The possibilities are endless.

You might think that tour life means resigning yourself to discomfort and unpleasantness, but as you can see, there’s no need to sacrifice elegance or good taste – remember, self-care is not a luxury. Happy touring!"

¹⁶Ideally wider than they are tall, otherwise they tend to roll when you take that hard left.
¹⁷Do not hang crystals from the mirror, as this could start a fire. 

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+4 Tips For Building More Fun Into Your Next Tour

+Winter Tour Tips

+How to Rule A Van Tour with Your Band